The Sleepover from Hell
by Lahdolphin
Summary: In the end, Kirihara's birthday wasn't all that bad. It could have been worse. A lot worse. After all, putting all the future captains and vice-captains together with alcohol practically spelled disaster. /One-shot, happy b-day Temari/


**Disclaimer: I don't own Prince of Tennis or any in this fic.**

**Note: This fic was originally supposed to be at Kirihara turning fifteen, but then they started drinking, and I just couldn't do it. So they're eighteen, which isn't the legal drinking age in Japan, but I don't feel like I'm going to hell now. So there are fifteen segments instead.  
><strong>

**Happy fifteenth Temari :)  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>The Sleepover from Hell<br>**_Because a sleepover from anywhere else would be boring._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Zaizen's Big Mistake<br>**_

Zaizen had meant it as a joke. It had been a bad joke. Sarcasm was a dry humor. Sarcasm did not make for good jokes.

But they freaking took him seriously.

Zaizen rubbed at his eyes. He had spent forever packing and he still wasn't done. It'd be quicker to build a time machine to prevent himself from _suggesting_ it in the first place.

Zaizen's phone beeped from the other side of the room. He got to his feet. He tried to kick a blanket out of his way, but that only caused him to trip and fall flat on his face. Maybe he'd die right there with face next to a tea stain in his carpet. Two seconds later, he decided life wasn't that kind.

He wiggled out of the fabric and grabbed his phone. A text from Kirihara.

_-Hiyoshi tld me bot the sleepover. ur a fucktard.  
><em>

"Has he ever heard of grammar?" Zaizen muttered as he typed a response. Becoming captains had forced them to talk to one another, which made Zaizen realize the others were more annoying than he had originally thought.

_-Blame Kamio. He's the one who doesn't understand sarcasm. If you don't want us coming to your house and spending the night then say something.  
><em>

Zaizen sent the message. He shoved a pair of Shitenhouji-green sweet pants into his bag.

_-ur a fucktard bcuz u didnt mention sake. it's gonna rock don't be a downer! o btw ohtoris comin_

Zaizen thought his eyes were going to bleed. Couldn't he at least turn on autocorrect? He knew Kirihara had one of those ridiculous, expensive phones.

_-Is anyone else coming coming? I thought it was going to be me, you, Kamio, Kaidoh, and Hiyoshi._

_-all those guys ohtori momo Takeda and i thnk ibu_

Perfect. All the captains and vice-captains in one house. With sake.

He sighed. He only had himself to blame. After all, he was the one who sarcastically suggest having a sleepover for Kirihara's eighteenth birthday to Kamio Akira, the humorless monkey.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Kirihara's Drug Deal<br>**_

Kirihara wasn't all that surprised when Takeda, his vice-captain, showed up first. He came in, shoved a bottle of sake he stole from his parents into Kirihara's hands, and patted his captain on the back. Takeda was a lot like Niou-senpai, but he liked singing in the shower and didn't try to stick firecrackers into Kirihara's hair.

Kaidoh and Momo showed up together. They both shoved boxes into Kirihara's hands. When Kaidoh went to join Takeda in the living room, Momo pulled his book bag in front of his chest.

"Your family's out, right?" Momo asked.

"Yeah..."

"Sister?"

"Yup. Out until tomorrow night."

Slowly, Momo pulled out a bottle of sake, lifted up the bottom of Kirihara's shirt, and pressed the bottle to his chest.

"Unless the bottles filled with cocaine, don't do that again," Kirihara said. He pulled the bottle out from under his shirt, and held it in his free hand. "It's just sake."

Momo held up his hands. "Hey, just trying to be discrete."

"It's not a drug deal."

"Whatever you say."

Kirihara rolled his eyes as Momo joined the other boys. And people called _him_ stupid. He didn't turn giving someone a bottle of sake into a drug deal. Geez.

Zaizen showed up next. Kirihara grinned, and then received a box to the chest. For lack of a better word, he went, "Owww."

Zaizen rolled his eyes, told him to suck it up, and then went to the other room where the boys were watching a tennis match.

When Kamio, Ibu, Ohtori, and Hiyoshi arrived, Kirihara paused the game and said, "What kind of pizza do you guys want?"

He could have sworn he heard Momo yell pudding, or maybe that was Takeda. Zaizen muttered olives. Kaidoh didn't respond at all. Ibu spoke too damn soft for Kirihara to hear.

"Yo, shut up!" Kirihara shouted.

Momo yelled pudding again.

"It probably would have been smarter to just say you were ordering pizza than asking them what they want," Hiyoshi said beside him.

"Yeah," Zaizen agreed. "What you did is like dangling a picture of Echizen in front of Yukimura and asking if he wanted to go to Seigaku by passing the gun store."

Kirihara shoved Hiyoshi into Zaizen. "Shut up."

Takeda tossed a pillow at him. "Dude, _pineapple_."

Kirihara screamed several loud, vulgar threats until they shut up so he could order the pizza. They better have gotten him some kick ass presents to make up for their crappy manners.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Ibu and Sake<strong>_

They pulled out the multiple bottles of sake when the pizza came. They poured the alcohol into red solo cups because they were classy like that. (And because Kirihara couldn't find his parents drinking cups.)

Ibu learned something new about the tennis boys once the sake broke out:

Momo dipped his bread sticks in ranch and his pizza into pudding, which he found in Kirihara's fridge. Apparently vanilla was better, but he could settle for chocolate. Personally, Ibu didn't see the difference between the pudding types. It sounded revolting either way.

Takeda liked weird food too. He put ranch on his pineapple pizza, put ketchup on his cheese bread sticks, and mixed a cup of sake with coca-cola. Ibu thought that if certain foods were meant to be mixed, they would have already been mixed. Cheese bread sticks and ketchup were not meant to be mixed, Ibu decided.

Kirihara ripped the cheese off of his pizza, ate it, and then ate the cheese-less pizza. Ibu remembered his five year old cousin doing that. It was the same cousin who tried to stick pasta up her nose. He wondered what would happen if he put pasta in front of Kirihara later.

Hiyoshi's ears turned red when he drank sake, even if it was just a sip (which was all he drank all night). The fact that he took a sip of sake was surprising enough for Ibu. Hiyoshi didn't look like the drinking type. Then again, Ibu supposed he didn't either, but there was still a cheap plastic cup in his hand...

Kaidoh didn't eat the crust of the pizza, but he ate bread sticks. It was contradictory because the crust was basically bread, and bread sticks were obviously bread. The man who came up wit the term "bread sticks" was obviously an intellectual. No one would have thought to call bread in a stick-form bread sticks.

Ibu also learned that Zaizen's sarcasm spread like wildfire.

But the most interesting thing he learned was that after four pieces of pizza, two bread sticks, and half a cup of sake, he had no desire to talk at all so he kept his new facts to himself.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Kaidoh Sleeps like a Dead Man<strong>_

Kaidoh had had one cup of sake, decided he hated the taste of it and the idiots who were too loud. He tugged his sleeping bag into the corner, stuck in a pair of ear plugs (they used to be for bus rides when Kikumaru refused to shut up), and then went to sleep.

He had no intentions off suffering through this stupid party. He had only come because Seigaku captains were strong in the face of idiots. Tezuka suffered through Atobe's horrid parties, even one Shirashi hosted. He could handle Kirihara-freaking-Akaya from Rikkaidai.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Zaizen Becomes a Director<strong>_

No one was as drunk as they were acting. Yes, they had a little alcohol in their systems, but they were using that as an excuse to act wasted. Drinking a little gave them that extra push to do all the dumb crap they would usually get judged for. It was a win-win. No hangover, remember all the fun stuff, and blame it on alcohol.

Example A of slight-drinking-making-sober-people-act-drunk: Kirihara and Takeda were doing somersaults for no reason.

Zaizen joined Hiyoshi and Ohtori because they weren't acting drunk, and Zaizen preferred sane people.

"Kirihara's going to hit the wall," Ohtori said.

Zaizen pulled out his phone. He clicked the video button, and watched as Takeda and Kirihara tumbled into the wall.

Kirihara uncurled himself, then looked at Takeda and said, "I win!"

"Shut up, bitch! You don't know my life!"

Hiyoshi blinked. "Did Takeda just call Kirihara a bitch?"

Ohtori nodded. "Yes, and now they're wrestling."

"I'm the commander of Dumbledore's Army," Kirihara shouted as he tackled Takeda. "Back the freak down!"

Zaizen ended the video, and slid his phone into the corner where he wouldn't be tempted to use it. If he got anything else he'd be tempted to blackmail them into losing at Nationals.

To be honest, Zaizen hoped they continued acting like drunk idiots the rest of the night because it was down right funny.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Momo's Decision: Truth or Dare?<strong>_

"Truth or dare, truth or dare!" Momo chanted.

"We're not twelve year old girls," Hiyoshi said.

Then Takeda joined in on the chanting, and Hiyoshi came to the conclusion that there was no way to argue with idiots. He learned that a long time ago when he tried to stop Mukahi and Shishido from fighting. For some reason, he always forgot idiots had a certain stubbornness to them.

Hiyoshi, Ohtori, and Ibu sat on the sofa while the other boys crammed into a circle. Zaizen didn't know why he was playing. He, like the others, would blame it on the little sake they drank.

"I'll start," Kirihara said. "Momo, truth or dare?"

It was a life changing decision. truth could mean spilling his guts about anythingh. Dare could embarass him for the rest of his life. It was a decision that could not be rivaled.

Then, after a long pause, he said, "Dare."

"I dare you to stop this stupid game."

* * *

><p><strong><em>Takeda<em>**_**'s (not really) Brilliant Idea**  
><em>

Things were calming down. People spread out, talking, playing games, doing anything they wanted. Takeda stared at the empty sake bottles as if they were the most fascinating things in the world. No one bothered him. Zaizen wondered if he took some pill because Chitose did that once and was staring at a wall for an hour.

Eventually, Takeda moved. He grabbed a bottle, looked at Kirihara, and said, "Spin-the-bottle?"

Everyone turned and looked at him. His suggestion was met with silence. Sake or not, that was a little too far.

"Dude, we're all dudes," Kamio said.

Takeda looked at Hiyoshi, who was turning red at the attention. "Come on. We're all friends."

Kirihara tossed an N64 controller at his vice-captain. "Shut up and play. It's Mario Kart."

"Okay," Takeda said.

Everyone blamed it on the sake.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hiyoshi gets Kissed<strong>_

It happened the second everyone had forgotten Takeda's stupid suggestion. The idiot vice-captain from Rikkaidai spun the bottle, completely ignored who it landed on, and walked over to Hiyoshi. He sat on his lap, whispered, "Spin-the-bottle is only fun if you kiss the cute one," and kissed him. With tongue.

Hiyoshi seemed frozen for a moment, and then pushed him away. "What the hell?"

Everyone in the room stared. Kirihara was shaking his head, as if silently asking why Takeda did something so stupid.

"Don't worry, I'm not gay," Takeda said. Then he grinned. "Alright, I'm gay."

Hiyoshi pushed him again. Just in case he tried anything funky.

Takeda crawled away, sat next to Kirihara, and asked if they could play Mario Tennis.

Face red, Hiyoshi shouted, "This never leaves this room!"

Takeda turned and smiled at Hiyoshi. "Whatever you say, darlin'."

Takeda wasn't drunk, but they would blame it on the sake.

Hiyoshi wanted to die. He hated spin the bottle. He hated Takeda. He hated Rikkaidai. He hated tongues.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Ohtori Butt-Dials Atobe<strong>_

They opened the last bottle of sake. Hiyoshi was not happy at all, Ohtori realized, when Takeda took a sip. If anyone there really was buzzed, it would be Takeda, and the last thing Hiyoshi wanted was for him to be drinking more.

Honestly, Ohtori found the whole situation amusing.

Takeda was a little buzzed, but even Ohtori could tell he liked Hiyoshi. Everyone knew Hiyoshi had a stick up his ass. For someone to like him was a miracle.

Ohtori set down his cup. He was thinking about his straight best friend in a gay relationship. Maybe he was the one who had had a little too much.

Ohtori sat down next to Hiyoshi, who was play solitaire on his phone in the corner, far away from Takeda. Ohtori didn't hear the beep in his back pocket, didn't realize he had his touch screen facing down, didn't realize Atobe was the last person to have called...

"Ohtori? Did you butt-dial me?" Atobe asked into silence.

"Wakashi, he's drunk," Ohtori reasoned.

"No one here is drunk," Hiyoshi said bitterly. "We've seen people get drunk. They're not acting drunk. They're buzzed and acting wasted because they can."

"Blame it on the sake."

Hiyoshi muttered a few swear. Then, his phone went off. He picked it up without looking at the number.

"Hiyoshi, what are you blaming on the sake?"

"Atobe-san? Did you bug me?" Hiyoshi tugged at his clothes. He wouldn't put it past Atobe to bug him.

"Ohtori butt-dialed me. Now, tell me what you're blaming on the sake. I will find out. You know I have my ways, Hiyoshi."

Hiyoshi hung up. Like hell he was telling Atobe some drunk Rikkaidai idiot shoved his tongue into his mouth.

"You butt-dialed Atobe," Hiyoshi said.

Ohtori couldn't help but laugh. He wondered if Atobe had ever been butt-dialed before. He probably was too "grand" to be butt-dialed. Ohtori smiled. He had taken Atobe's butt-dial-virginity. Heck yeah.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Kamio and SwD: Sexting While Drunk<strong>_

Kamio sat with his back against the sofa and his phone in his lap.

-_can you sing with all the voices of the mountains? can you paint with all the colors of the windddd_

Thirty seconds later, his phone vibrated, making him jump in surprise. He smiled at An's number. An was pretty.

_-Kamio, I know you're at Kirihara's party. You're drunk._

_-no im not. im pocahontass_

_-You're drunk, Kamio. Stop texting me._

_-ur hot. wanna have sex? iv knwn u for lke everrrr_

When she didn't respond, Kamio frowned. Kamio turned to Hiyoshi, who was sitting a few feet away, kinda sober.

"Hiiiyoshi." He crawled over and dropped his phone in Hiyoshi's lap. "Tell An I'm sober."

"Why?"

"I won't tell anyone you had a dude shove his tongue down your throat if you do this for me."

Hiyoshi sighed. Damn that Takeda.

_-I am pleased to inform you that I completely sober. I would be ecstatic if we could arrange a meet up, perhaps a date, and possible advance out relationship to that of one more than friends. Sincerely yours, Sober Kamio._

_-PS: You are very pretty.  
><em>

Hiyoshi held out Kamio's phone, but the red head pushed it back into his chest. "Respond when she sends it back. Tell me what she says!"

But Hiyoshi waited for the response because he didn't know how reliable threats from semi-buzzed Fudomine boys were. He couldn't risk it.

The phone buzzed.

_-Whoever the hell you are, give Kamio back his phone._

"She says she'd love to go out with you," Hiyoshi lied. "Text her back."

Kamio grabbed the phone.

_-hey pretty ladyyyyyyy lets get it onnnn  
><em>

Ibu, who had been so uncharacteristically silent that people forgot he was there, turned to Hiyoshi. "You know, you shouldn't have done that."

"He's not as drunk as he's acting, so he deserves every tennis ball to the head An is going to give him."

Ibu couldn't argue because it was true.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Kirihara's Epic Fail<br>**_

Kirihara, who seemed to remember he was supposed to be acting drunk, suddenly jumped up onto the coffee table. Without cue, he danced like an idiot, flailing this way and that. No one watched him since they were absorbed in the movie, but Kirihara shook every part of his body anyways.

Then, with the grace of a cracked out elephant from Fantasia, he tumbled to the ground. Specifically, on top of Kaidoh.

Kirihara was very, _very_ glad that he didn't wake up.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Takeda's Refrigerator Adventure<em>**

Since he hadn't known half the people in the room until a few months ago when Kirihara named him vice-captain, Takeda was worried about them being stuck up like a lot of the players at Rikkdai. He decided his worrying had not been necessary. Every guy in that room was like Kirihara.

Completely and utterly psychotic.

He watched the movie about zombies with the others. When his stomach growled, he stood up to go to the kitchen. Momo's stomach forced him to follow the other vice-captain.

Takeda opened the fridge and pulled out the leftover cheese pizza. He grabbed a plastic plate that had been on the table so he didn't have to hold the piece like a barbarian. Because he had standards. And class.

"Let's make this interesting," Momo suggested. "If I eat more disgusting pizza, you hit on Hiyoshi until he slaps you. If you eat more, I'll wake up Kaidoh."

Takeda grinned. He really liked this guy. "Deal."

But then it hit Takeda that Momo probably didn't understand that he really was gay, that he hadn't been kidding, and that Hiyoshi was downright cute. Oh well. More Hiyoshi for him.

They raided the kitchen for everything they could find, and piled it all onto two pieces of pizza _–_ cinnamon, ranch, chocolate pudding, mustard, ketchup, relish, a paste of milk and flour, garlic powder, and a dozen other things. By the time the two were done, the pizza wasn't even visible.

The two picked up the pieces, the smell making them both gag, but neither backed down. They knocked them together in a toast, and then took a bite.

Takeda managed one bite. Momo took three.

After nearly emptying their stomachs and several cups of water, Takeda and Momo walked into the other room.

"Until he slaps, hits, or kicks. Shoving doesn't count," Momo said, pushing Takeda into Hiyoshi's general direction.

Takeda sighed. He had the feeling Hiyoshi was going to hate him. It was a shame, but he wasn't one to back away from a promise. After all, he was from Rikkaidai.

Takeda sat next to Hiyoshi on the sofa. Hiyoshi scooted away.

Takeda put an arm around Hiyoshi. Hiyoshi pushed his arm away. That didn't count.

Takeda leaned against Hiyoshi. Hiyoshi shoved him and said, "Stop it." Still didn't count.

"You're hot," Takeda said as he leaned closer to Hiyoshi, practically crawling on his lap. Hiyoshi shoved him. Just a bit more...

Takeda grabbed Hiyoshi's shoulder, and then kissed him. Hiyoshi shoved him a forth time, and rammed his fist into Takeda's jaw.

"Holy crap," Takeda muttered, scooting away and rubbing his jaw. He moved his mouth every which way to make sure nothing was broken. Without meaning to, he blurted out, "That was _hot_."

Hiyoshi hit him again, this time in the stomach, a few inches away from his kidney. That wasn't as hot, Takeda decided as he rolled onto the floor. He crawled away, his jaw and stomach aching.

Momo was laughing so hard he had to go to the bathroom.

Worst. Bet. _Ever_.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hiyoshi Realizes the Obvious<strong>_

Hiyoshi sat down next to Ohtori and Zaizen, who were sitting quietly in the corner playing card games. He wanted to bleach his mouth. He didn't care that it killed him. He felt violated. He was sick of that guy shoving his tongue into his mouth. It wasn't his first kiss, but it wasn't like Hiyoshi was a whore who had kissed every girl in school.

It hit Hiyoshi harder than a tennis ball to the head.

Takeda was a boy. The tongue in his mouth had belonged to a _boy_.

"I've been kissed by a guy. Twice," Hiyoshi muttered, shocked. He hadn't even made the connection between the vile tongue and the owner's genitals.

"You're a genius," Zaizen said sarcastically. Then, on a more serious note, he added, "He's a nice guy, though."

Ohtori smiled. "He is, Wakashi. Weird taste in food, but nice."

"Choutarou, this is not funny," Hiyoshi said. "I am being sexually harassed."

"You weren't this flustered when Mukahi slapped your butt and said, 'giddy up,'" Ohtori replied. "Is this bothering you that much?"

Hiyoshi couldn't believe that Ohtori said that. He'd blame it on the sake, which Ohtori took two sips of, because Ohtori did not normally say "slap," "butt," and "giddy up" unless Shishido had somehow managed to trick him into saying it.

"Of course it's bothering me," Hiyoshi hissed. He pinched the bridge of his nose, an annoying habit he had picked up from Atobe.

"Wakashi, it'll be alright," Ohtori said. He patted Hiyoshi on the back. "He probably doesn't even like you."

"If a guy who's in the closet kisses you in front of a room of straight guys, he likes you," Zaizen said. "Get over it."

Hiyoshi looked at Takeda. He was curled up next to Kirihara. He didn't know why, but that bothered him.

"Choutarou, keep that guy away from me," Hiyoshi ordered. He lied down, rolling onto his side. "I'm going to sleep."

Takeda was a _boy_ from _Rikkaidai_.

No way in hell.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Niou Makes a Phone Call<em>**

Everyone was asleep when Kirihara's phone rang. He grabbed it, subconsciously registered that it was five in the morning and nothing good happened at five in the morning. He answered the phone with a drowsy, "Hello?" which sounded more like "Mellgo?"

"I'm not late. Totally not late," Niou said. "My gift to you is a picture I tagged you in on facebook. You're on a unicorn. And, yes, unicorns are manly. They're horses with swords on their heads. Oh, and Sanada is in a skirt. Don't ask."

"Photo-shop?"

"I told you not to ask." A pause. "Yes, photo-shop. And Yukimura is groping Sanada. And Atobe is in the background flipping everyone off because I figured his magnificence needed to be included. Oh, and the best part is that Marui's hair is lilac. It's freakin' hilarious. It's my profile pic. I'm a ninja."

"Did you stay up all night to do this?" Kirihara asked. "If so that is really lame."

"Yes, yes I did. Shut up and go to bed you ungrateful brat."

Niou hung up. Kirihara slid his phone away from him. Niou was insane, but Kirihara got the message:

_Happy birthday._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Kirihara's Eighteenth Birthday<br>**_

Kirihara woke up with a headache. He would blame it on the alcohol, but he knew it was from the somersault into the wall or his tumble into Kaidoh. Takeda's head was on his stomach, his jaw bruised from Hiyoshi's punch, his hand clutched around an empty plastic cup that had been filled with coca-cola, not sake. Momo's leg was slung over his. Between the two, he couldn't move.

He turned his head to see if anyone else was awake.

Zaizen was out like a rock. Ibu was asleep in a chair; Kamio was at his feet. Hiyoshi was as far away from Takeda as possible, and just as sleep-dead as Kaidoh. Ohtori was lying next to Hiyoshi; he was probably acting as a giant barrier between him and Takeda.

Kirihara swore when he realized he was stuck beneath those heavy idiots.

Then, he smiled as he thought about the previous night.

It really wasn't that bad of a birthday.

It could have been worse.

A lot worse.


End file.
